i'm...

i'm so sick right now :( this is the sickest i've been in probably 3 years. hey, at least i'm not throwing up. i think its 'cause all the dust and stuff in taurra's room. i've been putting off cleaning it up, hoping that she would do it herself. i dont see that happening though. i'm getting more used to being alone at taurra's house. as much time i spend there...i still feel like a guest, and outsider...and an intruder. i feel really awkward when she leaves me to go do something else...but i'm getting used to it. so i've spent the last 2 weeks there, only coming home for clothes and such. i like it, but its scary. i should take the fact that she never wants me to go as that she wants me to be there. it feels more like she doesnt want me to be other places though. (did that come through in meaning ok?) everytime taurra post about me in her live journal, she makes it seem like a burden that she cares for me. it makes me really sad. she never talks about me in an upbeat way. and its weird how she talks about kyle in her live journal. i wish she would talk about me like she talks about him...