compromise?

com·pro·mise ( P ) Pronunciation Key (kmpr-mz)n. A settlement of differences in which each side makes concessions. The result of such a settlement. Something that combines qualities or elements of different things: The incongruous design is a compromise between high tech and early American. A concession to something detrimental or pejorative: a compromise of morality. isnt that the basis of any relationship? i cant remember the last time i saw a compromise. taurra says everything is a power struggle...and it is. and ofcourse she always gets her way too. I CANT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME WE DID SOMETHING I WANTED TO DO. i suppose from now on i should just give up arguing, or voicing my opinion on what we should do. we do what she wants to do, when she wants to do it. i wanted to go visit my parents today, and yesterday she said she would. when i said something about it today, she said no, she wasnt goign to go. the only reason i wanted to go is so she could spend some time with my folks. its important to me that the person i'm dating is atleast comfortable around my parents, and my parents are aroudn them. and as of right now, that isnt the case. i NEED for her to spend some time with my parents. i feel really weird in the situation that i'm in now, and i need for it to be ok, but she isnt letting that happen. i think its mostly 'cause she knows i cant leave, i love her too much. i wonder if she consciously takes advantage of that. of how i cant tell her "no", or cant really do anything that might make her sad. i hope she isnt doing it on purpose...but she IS doing it. on the brighter side..she is goign to lobby to get me to go to the east coast with her. i've never been east. the furthest east i've ever been was vegas :-/

I just wanted to ...

I just wanted to leave David a note...Suprise! I just wanted you to know I love you more than anything. I know we power struggle...but its always me getting upset. Not you. And I'm sorry for that. I love you... your eyes, your noseys and the hole in your pants that you wear anyway :).Forgives me?Love, T

please...

please please please stop with all the fucking surveys. thats all my friends list is now. jesus. (yes...i know i just filled one out too. but it was only one!!! i swear!)

bluefem44 10 ...

bluefem44 10 Bands You've Seen Live:1. MSI2. White Zombie (not rob..white)3. Manson4. Gravity Kills5. Pantera6. Toadies7. Primus8. Weezer9. Static X10. (hed) P.E.09 Things You're Looking Forward To1. playoffs...nba2. getting a job3. sleep4. march madness5. meh i dont knwo that i've got any more6. 7. 8. 9. 08 Things You Wear Daily1. socks2. black slacks3. bootshoes4. white undershirt5. nipple rings6. black7. long sleeve shirt (tis the season)8. taurra07 Things That Annoy You1. Ignorance2. being shrugged off 3. other drivers4. hypocrisy5. cori's kittie peeing on things6. fighting over stupid shit7. taurra's exboyfriends.06 Things You Touch Every Day1. taurra2. soap3. my cellphone4. monkeys5. remote control6. other peoples hearts (or something?)05 Things You Do Every Day 1. drive2. breathe3. try to be nicer4. wear black5. be exhausted04 People You'd Want to Spend More Time With 1. taurra (if it were possible)2. wilson (he gets sad)3. my boss ('cause i want a job)4. batman03 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over1. fifth element2. Betelgeuse3. big trouble in little china02 Of Your Favorite Songs At This Moment1. super bon bon2. theme to the sims01 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With1. taurra.

w3rd

i finially got my computer set up at taurra's house. the problem wasnt the computer. it was the router. i had to go in and set up the router myself. i've never done that before. i feel really good about it. i wish i could write more, but i'm not sure what to write yet. meh...

i'm...

i'm so sick right now :( this is the sickest i've been in probably 3 years. hey, at least i'm not throwing up. i think its 'cause all the dust and stuff in taurra's room. i've been putting off cleaning it up, hoping that she would do it herself. i dont see that happening though. i'm getting more used to being alone at taurra's house. as much time i spend there...i still feel like a guest, and outsider...and an intruder. i feel really awkward when she leaves me to go do something else...but i'm getting used to it. so i've spent the last 2 weeks there, only coming home for clothes and such. i like it, but its scary. i should take the fact that she never wants me to go as that she wants me to be there. it feels more like she doesnt want me to be other places though. (did that come through in meaning ok?) everytime taurra post about me in her live journal, she makes it seem like a burden that she cares for me. it makes me really sad. she never talks about me in an upbeat way. and its weird how she talks about kyle in her live journal. i wish she would talk about me like she talks about him...

things are odd...

i'm in a weird situation right now. details later. i'm very confused, and for once...it has nothign to do with taurra (well, she isnt the part i'm confused about). its tough being with taurra 'cause she is so great that lots of guys hit on her. a lot. some of them arent the people i would think that would be inviting her out to do stuff, which makes it even more tough. also, i hate sleeping on taurra's bed. gives me backaches. she needs a new matress. now.

windyboyjr whips my ass :(

uglypoopface GuppyAgility4|Strength7|Stamina5Battle Rating16Originsuglypoopface is the spawn of nuclear sludge released into a lakeCan your fishy beat uglypoopface ?why cant i win?!?!

recognize

kevin dubrow Feeder GoldfishAgility1|Strength8|Stamina5Battle Rating14Originskevin dubrow was won on EbayCan your fishy beat kevin dubrow ?

i dont like subjects

I've done a lotGod knows I've triedTo find the truthI've even liedBut all I knowIs down inside I'mbleeding

i'm being...

i'm being fucked with. i know it. why cant things just be ok? what does shit always have to happen. i'm so flustered i cant even write

so dumb...

so i wake up to a call this morning from wilson. he goes on to tell me how he cant work out with me anymore, because he cant ever go to the club again. thinking that he got in a fight with someone or argument with someone in the staff i ask him what happened. he replies with "well, i fell off the treadmill and i am too embarassed to ever go back there again". bahahahhahahahahah. i was laughing for the next 15 minutes. funniest thing i've ever heard. fell off the treadmill.

no disrespect to your bitch...

i've never met a more perfect person (for me) in my life. always new suprises. always something else coming.

emotional creationism and taurra

lots of stuff going down lately. things, for the most part, are great with taurra. she has never seen pirates of the caribbean, so we are watching that tonight. there are a LOT of movies she hasnt seen that i'm going to need to get her to watch. she has a journal on a different site, and i read it today and was really sad. i dont like hearing about her ex boyfriend. especially since he is still kind of around. he freakin has a key to her house. he leaves up away messages all the time about how she is heartless, and how much he misses her, and its really starting to get to me. i KNOW he still has feelings for her, that cant be helped, but i think he is dealing with it1. poorly2. childishly3. in a very counterproductive manner.i'm tempted to put his screen name on here so y'all can see the kind of away messages he leaves. but that would be an invasion of privacy and blah blah blah. i suppose. taurra still has feelings for him, but tells me that she doesnt want to ever get back together with him. i believe her, but i'm so scared. well, i suppose i havent had any drama in my life in a while, this will do for now i suppose. also, her and wilson have way too much in common, us 3 are here and i feel kind of out of place. they are talking about emo music (which i dont like) and drew barrymore (also dont like) and various other stuff. also, when i DO voice my opinion they gang up on me! those jerks. superbowls never turn out the way i want them to.i want to go lay down with her right now, but i dont want to distract her from the movie. i'm looking accross the room at her right now, as she watches the movie. she is so pretty. sigh. its great jonny depp time

this is a story all about how my life got turned, flipped upside down...

i have a girlfriend. wtf.

and the winner is...

last night was perfect. the only thing that could've made it better is if i didnt have to take her home. (but i did).

oh geeese

taurra is coming over today. i'm so nervous. i want everything to go well. she was out for hours and hours with her ex last night, i was really worried. she was with him for a while and i thought maybe he had talked into getting back with him or something. but i guess that didnt happen. i havent heard the whole story. i wouldnt blame her or be mad at her if she did get back with him. but i would be very sad. i think i've grown up a lot in the last year. i seem to be able to cope with stuff a lot better, i'm a lot less angry of a person. so anyway...we're going to watch firefly tonight.(courtesy of willy-bubba) i have to clean up my room, and well most of the house. i hope my dogs dont bother her. both of them are roughly twice her size. and i'm not exaggerating. twice her size. today has to go smoothe...

optional...

i'm going to see big fish with taurra tonight. last night she sung anya's part in the song "i have a theory" with me. and she knew all the words. could this girl BE any more cool?

w0w

best day ever. might have a shot to be the best week ever. we'll see what happens, i cant wait to see how this unfolds.i cant get ahold of wilson. i assume he is still up in spokes, beings how he isnt answering his phone. workouts are set for tomorrow at 2:30 (every monday...but club was closed due to holiday) as i would hope he would be back by then. i think i hurt my left chest area...i'm going to take it a bit easy tomorrow.its not even nine and i'm about ready to go to bed. i'm going to try to watch some more buffy season one first.

...

taurra has a boyfriend. i'm going to go hang out with her again today.

sushi

tonight was WONDERFUL! i hung out with taurra tonight. she IMed me and asked me to come hang out. our meeting spot was fairly...in defined so it took a half hour for us to find each other. when we did we just walked around the mall and talked. she is a gamer!! after walking around the mall and looking in various stores (though i learned a lot, such as she loves bath and body stores and the things sold in them). after that we went to eat sushi. this was my first time eating sushi. we had so much fun, she showed me how to eat with chopsticks, and she showed me the different types. i swear she is the cutest little thing on two legs. haha. i called chelsea tonight...she was with her boyfriend watching a movie. she said she was going to call me back later, but she hasnt yet. and i dont think she is going to. i hate it when people say they are going to...i'm cam chatting with taurra right now. cams are fun.but she is going to rocky soon. and i'm going to bedgoodnight

subjects are dumb

i spent 3 hours and $1300 today at compUSA. (wilson's dad's money, but MY time!). it was neat though, i wish i had a bunch of cash to blow on computer equipment. i'm hoping to go back tomorrow and get a new harddrive, mine is almost full. i assume the HD that is going to be onsale will be a slow one, but 80GB is a lot of space to store stuff...and thats what i really need.i saw chelsea 2 times yesterday. it was awkward because of the people that were around...but it was still GREAT. she was all "i look like shit, i dont have any make-up on and i'm wearing pajamas". ya know when poeple talk about hating poeple who can get right out of bed and look like they just walked out of a salon? they are talking about her. her hair was perfect, she was pretty...and her pajamas were a work out sweats kind of thing (the cute kind, not the grey white trash kind).i need a job. bad. i need a job worse than wilson does, and thats bad! i've tried kinda hard, my problem is i dont know where to look. i hate rachel and her freak job powers. i swear she could move back down from seattle tomorrow morning, and have a job by tomorrow night. she is an x-man, and that is her super power.hopefully there will be a "band meeting" to discuss, well...everything, this weekend. i still dont know if i'm goign to be playing guitar or bass. probably bass. hopefully bass. haha.when i get offline tonight i'm going to install my new wireless network card. i'm not sure how this thing works yet. i'm going to be using it solely at wilson's mom and dad's house (2 different places)...i'm not sure if i'm going ot have to reconfigure everytime i change, or what. but it'll be a lot easier than messing with cables everytime. plus i think i can set up in the front room of the dad's place, which would mean more room. i used to be scared about installing stuff into computers and had my friends do it. well, the last time this happened, my friend said, "no, you do it". so i did. it was chloe's computer (that i had given to her) so i wasnt really scared about screwing it up. well, it was so easy. so i'm really not worried about any of that stuff anymore. i'm going to be installing my Wireless card in tonight. tomorrow i think i'm going to install wilson's viddy. and then when the new wireless cards for willy and the boys come in, i'll probably install those. speaking of those...the douche at compUSA tried to pawn off some shitty one on willy and the boys (the car that i'll be using). they wanted to plus card, and he tried to give them the not plus. the differents...54mbs to 11mbs. seriously. i guess that guy was new...but still, what a douche. while we're on the subject...big it up to my man Hammer! i think i'm goign to try to call chelsea tomorrow. i want her to come over and hang out, but it wont happen. i'm going to have to find a GOOD way of getting rid of her BF. seriously, she says she is in love with him. its going to be tough. (i'm really not going to try and break them up, some assfuck did that to me and chloe...and i wont be a travis).i think if i move to NY, i have a better chance at getting a job (respect, alicia) but i have to get a job to make money to move there in the first place. on the subject of NY, chelsea saved herself yesterday. she said "it be great if you moved to new york" which i was kinda hurt by until she finished with "for a few months".w0rd bitches! (i know its not much, but its what i have to be happy about)

subjects are dumb

i spent 3 hours and $1300 today at compUSA. (wilson's dad's money, but MY time!). it was neat though, i wish i had a bunch of cash to blow on computer equipment. i'm hoping to go back tomorrow and get a new harddrive, mine is almost full. i assume the HD that is going to be onsale will be a slow one, but 80GB is a lot of space to store stuff...and thats what i really need.i saw chelsea 2 times yesterday. it was awkward because of the people that were around...but it was still GREAT. she was all "i look like shit, i dont have any make-up on and i'm wearing pajamas". ya know when poeple talk about hating poeple who can get right out of bed and look like they just walked out of a salon? they are talking about her. her hair was perfect, she was pretty...and her pajamas were a work out sweats kind of thing (the cute kind, not the grey white trash kind).

insomnia

6:30 and ofcourse i cant sleep. sigh.today: go to clark for fafsa, take kendra with me. workouts with willy (which my chest is still sore from monday), after, basketball with out willy. call justin and get everything set up for the making of the new band and all that jazz that goes with it (ie pick who we want to invite to try out, see the rehersal space, figure out scheduling for practice...see if i can get an electribe!). Game tonight with the rookies. sigh. fucking munchkins. i'll probably just play online all night during game. i wanna play at the big boys table :(somewhere in there try to call chelsea. beings how i have to go pick up andrew again, i might be able to stop by and see heri think i might hop in the hottub for a soak before i begin my day.

p

so much stuff going on. i dont know if i want to put it all in one post and bore folks...i went bowling tonight. first night of league in 4 weeks (due to christmas, new years, and then ice). for the first time all year my team is in first place. we owned ass tonight, only lost 2 games(out of 24). i shot a 707..and raised my average to a 226. i also got my ring for the 298 i shot, and a plaque for 11 in a row. my 300 ring should be coming soon. i spiked my hair a LOT today. i showed up and my friend archie had an afro. its amazing how much someones hair grows in 3 weeks. me and archie are on the same team, so we had the crazy hair thing going on our team tonight.i slept for 13 hours today. wilson's dad's couch is so comfortable its sick. Justin calls me today and i get a message. i dont call him back for a while, but when i do he has amazing news. me and justin have been talking about starting a band for a long time...just never had the resources to do it. so just runs into an old friend who happens to be a drummer. not only is this person a drummer, he also works for a record label, and is looking to start a band, AND has 5,000 to invest in equipment and recording time. IF everything goes well...there is more...type later...yahoo pool now

gack

well...i've been up for 24 hours now. i'm about ready to crash. i almost fell asleep on the drive home from tom's house. sooo tired...i tried to see chelsea tonight. i had to go pick up andrew (andrew got in a car wreck and i had to pick him up 'cause he doesnt have a car) and he lives a block away from her. she was online though, and i couldnt get through to talk to her...so therefore i didnt get to see her. it was sad.wilson is yelling at me for typing. he complains a lot, often about stuff he does himself). i'll try to type more some other time. lots of stuff going on...

insomnia :-/

4:30 am and suprise, i cant sleep. reruns of buffy are on (otherwise i probably would've tried to keep sleeping). i dont know why i never liked this show when it was new, but i LOVE it now. atleast i'm not dreaming about chloe tonight, which is good. the only other people that are here online with me right now are eastcoasters and other people who couldnt sleep. maybe i'll go play guitar for a while and try to go back to sleep in a bit.

what the...?

i dont know what/how/who/when to feel about chelsea. its such a weird thing. i've never been so attracted to someone both physically and mentally. she is almost perfect, just a few things wrong;1. she doesnt appreciate herself enough. 2. she has a boyfriend3. her parents (i only know what she tells me, i have nothing against her folks myself)4. her schedulethe boyfriend thing is the big one. the rest i can deal with and/or try to help with. i really dont think its ever going to happen. i made her upset tonight. i always feel...off my game, when i'm talking to her. i can never be smoothe around her. i feel like a 12 year old boy asking his first girl on a date or something. i told her about my new york idea...she thought it was a good idea. i was hoping she wouldnt want me to go, but as it seems i'm not as big in her thoughts as she is in mine. which i understand, but i can still be disappointed. i used to be good with girls. i was never sure why, but i was. now, i've been single for 3 months and i havent had a single date yet. i've ALMOST had a few dates, but i am the KING of getting ditched. it sucks.

greatest city in the world?

the more and more i think about moving to new york, the better it sounds. to be honest, i'm scared of such a huge city, but i think i could get used to it. i dont even know really HOW i would do it. i told alicia i want to come live with her and rent out her spare, but i dont think that could really happen. though, i must say it would be about perfect for me. haha. though, if i DO move i'd still want her to get me a job where she works. there is just so much here i dont wanna be around, but at the same time, there is so much i want to stay for. a friend of mine, krysten, told me i shouldnt go. so i asked her "give me one good reason why i shouldnt" and she couldnt do it. and frankly, i cant come up with one myself. i cant think of reasons that i would stay, but none of those things are in effect now, so they dont apply.

a beginning..

as it seems recently i've just been able to write longer e-mails. yet i cant write in here. i dont know if its because i have prompting in the e-mails, or if i'm just a bit scared to look dumb here. actually there is only one person i've been able to talk to in e-mails lately, someone who i've never met in the real. but she seems to be a kindred spirit, she seems to be more like me than anyone i've ever met, so she understands a lot of what i have to say. also, we have a common friend that we usually talk about, so subject matter is there a lot. i think it may be because i sometimes try to be different things to different people. scratch that. i try not to let certain people in on some parts of my life, so when i talk to them, i end up leaving a lot out. i've never had someone that i didnt at least keep some part of myself from them. people usually see me as an open book, someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. and i guess that is kinda true. or maybe i'm just fooling them...and fooling myself.